Truth about FIRST LOVE

"Hell, I am too tired today", grabbed a bottle of iced cool beer and duck into a cozy bed. 'It was too hot today, why was I struggling? Money can't buy our life nor my love'. Such thoughts flash in the mind. I emptied the bottle in a sip and found myself watching the romance movie titled 'Just friend'. It was this movie that dragged me back live to the year, where I meet someone dear to me. I remembered everything in a glimpse. I recalled having fun. Laughing and walking hand in hand amidst those green cornfields. There used to be the aroma of intimacy and love which spread afar with the gentle breeze. The bees were merrily buzzing around then. It was in such time, I have insanely adored her more than anyone. The only one that I have loved desperately, I thought. 

It has been a couple of years and scary to share those incidences. It is even harder to believe that love would tremble down in such waste into the gross trash. I am not sure if I have made a big mistake, but I still see her in my mind sometimes. Yet it is just my thought, a one-sided story. 

As I found myself drawn toward this beautiful girl like a dog, I desperately wanted to explore her feeling. Everything seemed positive. I approached her but only to break my heart and develop a fear of love.

Indeed, her word has never been stable, which made me curious and nervous at the same time. Normally, she would speak sarcastically but I wouldn't believe whatever she says. When she says 'no' I would take it as a joke and when she says 'yes' I would take it as a joke as well. It was my first love and love tricks me pretty well. Out of deep love, I would have written to her as 'Nobody can show you the exact essence of love physically. You seem unaware of this fact. If it was possible, I would have generously shown only to you. You are only my angel ever met so far. Do you understand my feeling?" But it made no sense to her. I have tried everything to woe her. At midnight, I would call her clandestinely but she would drop the call before I finish the talk and I would remain awake the whole night thinking about her. During the class hour, I would write the poem about her and paste it on the classroom wall. Whenever the teacher enters the class, I would hide the poem behind the chart paper. Every classmate would know that I am in love with her except the class teacher. My friends would tease us and I think it was the reason that I grew my love. For two years, I was been after her. I have lost self-control and have even dropped biology which I regret now.  In the end, I realized it was just the infatuation and nothing else. Four years later, after I returned from the university, I tried to get to her, but our chemistry didn't prosper and so we go our own separate ways. Now we don't even exchange a word and I understood that 'First love is Last love' isn't true.

Whatever it is, it gave me a great lesson in my life, It is not always true for what it seems to be true or for what we believe is true. There is always a loop and hole that leak some part of the whole. It is always advisable to accept the thing practically experimenting with our own hand, because the theory is not always true anymore, at least if it is not a subject matter. Otherwise, we would be already on the other side of the river.  There would be no turning back then. You might have to live and suck with it. Well, if it is a good thing then it's alright but incase if it is not what you wanted to be then it would be total misery. Devastation is what everybody tries to neglect. First love for me has caused me lots of pain and a great lesson. 

Now with bitter experience and greater love lesson,  I am happily married decades later. It all came easily and rapidly this time. My only wish and prayer are that this love lasts to the end and I know God will grace and assure this.